It's time to break up with your toxic friends. Image: Shutterstock |
There are many good friends you will come across in life. You
know, the ones who will always pick up the phone and sing your praises when
you’re not around. As we get older, many people experience their friend groups
decrease in size, but the friendships they do have become more intimate.
However, as friend groups continue to change, some people will encounter “frenemies”
– people who use you as the butt of the joke or make you feel terrible about yourself
so that they can feel better about themselves.
Toxic friendships need to be busted. You don’t have to stay
in friendships where you are used as an emotional punching bag—because you are
worth more than that. Downgrading a friendship isn’t easy, especially if you
move in the same circles. Below are some tips on how to navigate a friendship
sabbatical.
First take some time
to reflect. This could just be a phase in your friendship… or it could be
symptomatic of something going on their life. If this behavior continues, it
suggests a simmering resentment to you on some level and you will need to deal
with it head-on. Evaluate your relationship with this person using a critical
lens; if this “friend” is offering nothing positive, it might be time to break
up with them.
Second, brave the
talk with them. Sit down with this person and be strong. During your
conversation, take deep breaths and make direct eye contact. State the facts
and address how they are not being kind or respectful to you. Try to be
objective rather than hostile. And remember, if they are a true friend, they
will show concern and not defensiveness during this exchange.
Then, prepare for the
fallout. After confronting them, you might realize that their behavior
towards you was just an excuse to blow off some steam, and this conversation could
end up making your friendship stronger. You need to be honest with yourself and
with them about what you are willing to compromise on and what you aren’t. If
this friend isn’t open to altering their behavior towards you, you need to let them
know that this toxicity isn’t healthy in your life and that you need some
space.
Finally, move on.
Sometimes it’s easier to start simple, such as by reducing the amount of text
messages and phone calls, invites, etc. until the friendship dies of its own
accord. Remember, break-ups aren’t just for romantic relationships, but
unhealthy platonic ones too. You’ll be better off for breaking up with a toxic
friend so that you can focus your attention on the positive people in your
life.
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