Depression Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

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An estimated 350 million people in the world, and almost 15 million in the U.S. alone, suffer from depression. Depression is different from being sad, although people often misuse the term “depressed” for “sad.”

There’s a big difference between being sad and having a depressive episode or suffering from depression. Most people have “felt depressed” as a normal reaction to grief, loss, or struggles such as losing a job or having relationship problems.

But when feelings of intense sadness, including feeling that you’re helpless, hopeless, or worthless, last for weeks and keep you from functioning normally, you may have depression.

According to the DSM-5, a manual used to diagnose mental health disorders, depression means that you have at least five of the following symptoms for at least two weeks:

• A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning
• Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day
• Impaired concentration, indecisiveness
• Insomnia or hypersomnia (being unable to sleep or sleeping too much)
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities that were once pleasurable (including hobbies or sex) nearly every day
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• A sense of restlessness or being slowed down
• Significant weight loss or weight gain

What do you do if you have these symptoms? First of all, seek help. If you are suicidal, call 911. You can also call a mental health crisis line such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) or the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) hotline. You probably have local crisis lines, too, and you can look them up here.

It can be hard to reach out, especially when you’re in the throes of depression, but it’s critical that you do. Trained professionals at these crisis lines can assist you in getting the help you need.

You can also talk to your physician; he or she may be able to refer you for counseling or medication assistance.

And speaking of medication…needing to take psychiatric medications is nothing to be ashamed of. Psych meds help your brain to work better, in much the same way that insulin helps diabetics to stay alive and functional.

How is depression treated? The best treatment for major depression is a combination of therapy and medications. Therapy will help you process life events that could be contributing to your depression. You’ll also learn techniques to stop negative self-talk and other behaviors that contribute to your depression. Medications will regulate your brain chemistry to make you more resilient when stressful situations arise in your life.

For more information about depression and other mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder (alternating periods of deep depression and elation/risky behavior), visit this WebMD guide or the National Alliance on Mental Illness website.

Don’t be ashamed if you’re suffering from depression. You’re not alone, and you deserve to live. Reach out for help; it’s there, and better is possible.

Signs That a Loved One May Commit Suicide

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According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, 44,193 Americans commit suicide

every year, making it the 10^th leading cause of death in the U.S. If you’re worried that someone close to you may commit suicide, please check to see if they exhibit any of the following warning signs:

• Withdrawal from social activities, including reduced contact with friends and family members.
•  Missing school or work.
•  An increase in drug or alcohol use.
•  Sleeping either too much or too little.
•  Little to no physical activity (e.g. laying in bed all day).
•  Giving away possessions.
•  Displaced aggression.
•  Mood swings.
•  Talks about suicide.
  

According to Mental Health America, 80% of people who contemplate suicide show signs of their intentions. But do keep in mind that this is not a one-size-fits-all checklist, meaning that your loved one may only exhibit one of these signs or they may exhibit none of these signs, which brings me to my next point.

If you have an inexplicable feeling that something is wrong—a gut feeling as some may call it—trust it. Reach out to your loved one and check in on how they’re doing. There’s a good chance that the simple act of reaching out and showing that you care can save that person’s life.

Along that same note, I want to talk about how to properly respond to someone who is contemplating suicide. This person may be direct about their intentions (e.g. “I want to kill myself”) or indirect (e.g. “I hate my life and I wish I’d never been born”). Both comments should be taken seriously.   

Whatever you do, do not—I repeat: do not—respond with cynicism or judgment. Statements such as, “you’re being over dramatic” or “you’ll be fine, toughen up” will only push the person more towards suicide. Instead, respond with statements such as, “I’m here for you, you are not alone” or “I care a lot about you and I want to help you in any way that I can.”

To learn more about what you can do to prevent your loved one from committing suicide, visit helpguide.org.

Attitude Adjustment: Strong Mental Habits to Live By

I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about attitude and how it impacts success. Many times, our personalities and individual histories play a big role in determining how we view the world and the work we do. But I’m also a firm believer that we each have control over how we think about and carry out our work.

We choose our attitudes, the way we approach and react to situations. And though we might not necessarily be able to change our default settings with the snap of our fingers, we can most certainly train ourselves to question those defaults in the interest of personal growth and improvement.

In the past several years, I’ve gone from being a college student to an intern to an educator to a manager at a small tech company. I’ve had the chance to see a lot of different attitudes in action and evaluate my own attitude as well. Here are some of the most pointed things I have learned along the way about how we can improve our attitudes, stop harmful mental habits, and give ourselves the best chance of success:

Stop trying to please everyone. You cannot please everyone – so don’t beat yourself up when you aren’t able to do so.

Don’t let others have power over your mental state. Instead of blaming your boss for your “making you feel [insert negative emotion here],” recognize that you are in control of your emotions. You always have a choice in how to respond. Don’t give anyone else that power.

Don’t dwell. Don’t start work on a new project with a bad attitude because the last time didn’t go so well. Don’t hold a grudge against a coworker. Do what you can to influence the outcome of situations, but don’t dwell on things you can’t change.

Learn to compromise. Have an open mind. Assert your opinions and ideas, but recognize when you need to do something someone else’s way. Maybe they’re your boss or your simply outnumbered. Shrug, accept it, and move on. Leave the bitterness at home.

Be humble and forgiving. Hold yourself and others accountable, but don’t create a toxic culture of guilt or fear when something goes wrong. Because it will go wrong, for you or someone else. Set high standards, but never put yourself on a pedestal.

Be patient. Patiently persist, refuse to give into learned helplessness, and do tasks that are hard for you just so you can get better at them. You don’t have to smile while you do it, but don’t be angry at the world, either. Growing is a painful, slow process.

Stop groaning. Of course work isn’t always fun. In fact, it’s frequently not fun, and most of us would rather be doing something else. But please don’t torture yourself and others by constantly talking about how bored or unhappy or sick of work you are. That leads into…

Find a way to stay positive (or at least neutral). If you fail, think about what you learned. If a client is stressing the team out, commend each other on how you came together to solve a problem. Look for the positive in everything, not the negative.

Face the situation. Swallow your panic, your fear, your instinct to avoid confrontation. Fix issues as soon as possible—before they get worse. Force yourself to be objective and open-minded during confrontations, not ruled by your emotions.

Question entitlement. Listen to me carefully: You. Are. Not. Entitled. To anything. In the professional, adult world, we all must earn our keep. Sometimes that means giving things time to grow, or making less pay than you want so that you can gain experience, prove yourself, and learn how to advance your career. Absolutely try to find a workplace that appreciates and values you, but don’t ruin your chance to grow because you are too busy feeling entitled to something better. If you’re very lucky, you’ll get your dream job right away and that will be that… but if you’re like the rest of us, you’ll need to take some baby steps in between.

Life Lessons to Learn Before 30

Every person goes through many ups and downs throughout their twenties. From trying to decide which career path to take, to forming important, lasting relationships with friends and partners, there is a lot to learn. I’m not quite at that 30 milestone yet, but I’m getting closer each day. And as I do, I more frequently find myself reflecting on how different my life is today versus the day I turned twenty. It’s a little hard to believe!

It's amazing how much one can learn in 10 years.
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Here are some important lessons that every twenty-something should consider as they enter adulthood:

1. If you work hard enough and don’t stop until you meet your goals, you will eventually get there—or to a different, just as worthy, place.
2. To have friends you must be a friend first. The friends who stand by your side through the years are priceless.
3. You are never too old to be a kid and jump into a colored ball pit.
4. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and motivate you to do better and be better. Keep people out of your life who bring you down.
5. Don’t beat yourself up over mistakes or regrets in your life. After all, some of those “mistakes” could lead to something even better down the road. I try to approach everything with a “no regrets” mindset—I quite literally ask myself “Will I regret it if I do/don’t do this?” Just the simple act of asking gives me so much more clarity when making decisions.
6. Be independent and do not rely on someone else to make you happy. You will eventually have a much stronger and healthier relationship with your significant other if you highly value your own wellbeing and happiness.
7. Create the actual life that you want to have. Stop telling yourself you can’t, and stop settling for less than what you know you could achieve, especially if you know it would lead you to a happier and more satisfied life.
8. Step outside of your own comfort zone and go after something you want.
9. If you don’t like something about your life, it is your own responsibility to change it.
10. Be grateful for what you have in life. Even on the worst days, there is something to be grateful for. Make it a practice to write down one positive thing that happened, no matter how small, each day.
11. If you do not have enough cash to pay for it, you cannot afford it. Put the credit card down.
12. Pay your bills on time, change your oil regularly, file your taxes on time, and be sure to floss. Sometimes, acting like a grownup is so worth it.
13. Be quick to forgive. Don’t hold grudges.
14. Everyone has a story that makes up who they are. Respect differences, because you can learn something new from everyone you meet.
15. Admit when you’re wrong and take full accountability for your mistakes.

Did I forget anything important? What else might you add to this list of life lessons learned before 30?